In no particular order...
Markus Prostko Z'18
Nickname: Darkus, Dankus
The illegitimate lovechild of renowned R&B artist D’Angelo and NBA star Michael Jordan, Markus Alfonso Prostko was raised by wolves on the mean streets of Boulder, Colorado. It was during this time that he learned many of the values and ideals he carries with him to this day, namely the power of friendship and an uncanny ability to chase sick deer through the forest. By the age of 5 he had established alpha male status in the pack, having forced out leader Razor Fang in a bloody fight for dominance. When age 6 rolled around the time had come for him to leave his furry friends and enter the world of public education, where he remained for the next eleven years. There he spent this time chilling out max, relaxing all cool, and shooting some b-ball outside of school where he famously completed a free-throw line dunk which was described by many as “pretty cool, man.”
Markus is an Animal Psychology major with a minor in Sports Management. His interests include spice gardens, long walks on the beach, and jumping in leaf piles. He also owns a small island in the South Pacific Ocean where he can often be found entertaining his many lady friends.
Jacob Colman Z'18 (Business Manager)
Nickname: J.R.R. Colmien, J-Cub
The distant future. The year 1996. A young boy materializes in the barren plains of Wyoming, wearing nothing but a Winnie the Pooh costume and a piercing stare. His name is Jacob Colman. Those who first encounter the child are awed by his aura of beauty and power, and are utterly shocked to hear a deep and thunderous voice emanating from such a tiny body. People are drawn to him, and he comes to the realization that he can woo and subdue any mortal human using only his mouth.
In the more distanter future, Jacob will use this power to charm everyone he meets and occasionally convince others to do his bidding. He will eventually become President of the United States and oversee the culmination of the Colman Nation. But while he is still pretending to be a mortal college student, his pursuits will focus on creative writing, comedic performances, and obsessing over Lord of the Rings.
Photos to come soon...
David Green Z'19E
Nickname: Da, Matt Fernald 2.0
Born atop the beautiful mountain Frenchified in the name of Belmont, Massachusetts (home of the illustrious presidential ne’er-do-well, Catcher’s “Mitt” Romney), David Green has recently come across the happy news that he is the Prodigal Brother of famed Youtubers John Green and Hank Green. When not catching up on colored family secrets (such as the origin of the “Green thumb”), David enjoys the irony of running along the 500 miles of Spain’s Camino and drowning puppies in tears of joy. He has been know to fall victim to
but recovers salubriously enough to engage in construction of supercalifragilisticexpialidociously intricate clauses teeming with ebullient vigor. On occasion (much to the displeasure of his acquaintances), David will even engage in the noxious glottal act known colloquially as “singing”.
Jordan Rubenstein Z'19
Nickname: Ruby, Boobenstein
Jordan was born and raised in New York City. Growing up, Jordan never sang. Instead, he spent most of his childhood picking flowers and looking at clouds. At the tender age of 18, he discovered he had an ancient demon sealed inside him at birth. After a really long and cool adventure, Jordan earned the powerful demon's respect and he was bestowed the gift of song. A week later he climbed aboard a ship and set sail for Amherst, Massachusetts. Nobody is quite sure why or what the connection is here.
Oddly enough, Jordan has never seen the color orange. His favorite food is birdmeat and he is always down for a good time. When Jordan isn’t singing with the Zumbyes he can usually be found building Legos or trying to figure out what makes lightbulbs work. We're thinking it's got to do with the wires!
Wesley Guimarães Z'19
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Nickname: Zeke, Lesley
In 1996, Wes was born in Rio de Janeiro, the Brazilian city of great summers, wild carnivals, and Bossa Nova. Because of that, he will likely not make it through New England’s harsh and unforgiving winter; his people start to freeze at 55°F. It is unclear how Wesley ended up in Amherst, Massachusetts, but current consensus in the scientific community suggests that he was “going with the flow”.
It was by going with the flow that he ended up in Italy in 2013. It was in the boot-shaped country that Wesley first fell head over heels for jazz. To his roommates’ dismay, has been singing ever since, and he looks forward to singing jazz with the Zumbyes, the most dangerous a cappella group on the planet.
Andrés Pascual-Leone Z'19
Son of Shakira and Enrique Iglesias, Andres has never been a stranger to shakin’ what his momma gave him. Contrary to popular belief his mom, Shakira, actually wrote the song “Hips Don’t Lie” about him. Not only do his hips not lie, Andres is also a truth-seeker. His hips usually lead him into fantastic discoveries of truth and validity. In one particularly astounding case, he discovered that, after many long years of research and study, clouds are actually made from cotton candy, not water vapor. This “water vapor condensation” myth was created by Willy Wonka to hide the fact that they were testing out new cotton candy recipes. Classic Willy.
Aside from salsa dancing at 2am and his investigative service, his hobbies include: competitive scooter racing, Troy Bolton fan-girling, and sometimes playing soccer. His singing career, much like Troy’s, started in his shower. While young Andres lathered his luscious locks (points for alliteration), he started to sing his favorite song: Circle of Life. He heard loud noises once he reached the end of the song and when he got out of the shower all the animals of the New England Kingdom had come to his home and were awaiting his action. With the animal kingdom’s backing his singing career took off and has led him all the way to this wonderful group.
Cesar Centeno Z'20
Nickname: Skeezar, King Centurion of the Eight Armies of Alexandria
*Plays Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Them Song instrumental version*
Now this is a story all about how
Cesar’s life got flipped-turned upside down
And he’d like to take a minute
And spit a verse
Tell you how he became a Zumbye in a place called Amherst
West of Philadelphia born and raised
Listening to Soul and the singers he praised
All the while, learned their style, so fly and so cool
and began singing some Bee-Bop outside of the school
One day he heard a weird sound, round the corner, not good
It was a horde of zombies tromping in his neighborhood
Had to take a minute to get all calm and collected Heard the TV say, “the whole town ain't slick, every one is sick and infected”
He was't nervous, no fear from his eyes
Climbed to the top of a building with his powerful thighs
Everyone was swarming , screaming, seeming all too obscure
But Cesar knew that only beautiful riffs were the cure
Stood atop his facets, looked upon all the masses
Knew there was fire to spit, too bright, so he put on sun glasses
Zombie horde looking, he sang so all could hear
Lyrics strike like lightning, infections start to disappear
Few months later, got auditions at 7 or 8
No zombie hordes in sight or battle of fate
He is ready to sing, dance, and slay
Next to the Zumbyes, spitting hot fire day by day.
Greg Franklin Z'20
Tenor I/Tenor II
Nickname: G-Reg, Grego
The name is Greg Franklin, and that's no lie,
He's pumped to leave Chicago and say bye bye
The city is where he wants to live, but first
He'll try the rural life out here in Amherst
He loves to sing songs, as you can tell,
But other things strike his fancy as well.
Like riding his bike all across town
Or golfing or football or just sitting down
He also loves comp sci, havn't you heard?
It's cool though. Please don't call him a nerd.
If he could work for Google, his dreams will be met
He can also solve a rubik's cube without breaking a sweat.
Favorite movie? Interstellar, I think I might add,
He also loves the TV show that's called Breaking Bad
He's stoked to be a Zumbye, and sing all day long
Fun fact, "Sunday Candy" is his favorite song.
Well that's him wrapped up, time for the last line
...but sadly, I cannot think of a rhyme.
Tommy Mobley Z'20
Nickname: T-Mobile, Timmy
Tommy grew up down by the banks of the river Charles, in Newton, MA. Although he was the son of a preacher man, he had a hard time making young ladies feel the same way that Dusty Springfield did. Instead, Tommy spent his days playing basketball and listening to the discographies of Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, and The Temptations. Legend has it that one day in Sophomore math class, a girl asked Tommy out on a date, but he said that he could not go out with her because “basketball is my true love.”
Here at Amherst, Tommy is still the same guy that he has always been. You can usually find him getting shots up in the gym, studying chemistry in his room, and singing sweet soul music with the Zumbyes. Where you will not find Tommy is anywhere that there are women, because quite frankly, his game with the ladies is slacking. Because of that, Tommy made his agenda quite clear quickly after he was accepted into the Zumbyes: “I need help with the ladies!” he said. Hopefully, as he learns about tri-tones, harmonic blend, and choreography, the veteran Zumbyes can also teach him a thing or two about how to talk to women.
John Ballard Z'20 (Music Director)
John Stewart Ballard was born in Kansas City, MO. He then moved to Houston, TX, then to Sumter, SC where he spent the majority of his days, then back to Houston for his senior year of high school. It is a testament to his own individualism that he made it out of the dark destitute hole that is the state of South Carolina with any sense of morality. Despite this, he comes from a very diverse background being raised by an opera singer/choral director and a college football player. It is from this upbringing that John began to hone his crafts, and today, he is fortunate enough to carry on his parents’ legacy while playing football and being a part of the most talented a cappella group in all the land, otherwise known as the Zumbyes.
Although he has followed in his parents’ footsteps, he actually made the great trek up to Amherst College to find himself, as some believe him to be the illegitimate child of comedian, Jon Stewart, who lives nearby in NJ. It is said that John’s parents may have added “h” in John to hide his true identity. With the wisdom and guidance of well-trained Oldbyes, John hopes to discover his true father in his time here, so he can finally be at peace.
Photos to come soon...
Tony Taitano Z'21
Nicknames: Tony Tone, Tonal Tony, An-Tony Bocelli
When Tony isn’t oozing liquid angelic gold from his twin infoldings of mucuous membranes during phonation, he pumps iron to the sweet croons of Sam Smith, his step-brother thirty-six time removed. Legend has it that Tony’s mother, Mariah Carey, had to have an emergency premature birth nine months early because the need to hear Tony’s voice was just that urgent. Legend has it that Tony also existed as an ethereal entity during the times of Ancient Greece, and that when Homer wrote of the sirens that called to Odysseus, he was really writing about Tony. “Can anyone rival this man’s singing?”, you might ask. The answer is: yes. Tony’s only rival comes from his remarkable ability to astrally project a version of himself that competes with his real self in a competition to see who can sing harmonics better.
Few have seen the actual Tony Taitano in person. This is because the real Tony is usually off in some Tibetan valley doing vocal warmups between two mountains, causing frequent avalanches to occur.
Photos to come soon...
Wesley Combs Z'21
Nickname: Combs, Wes 2.0
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