In no particular order...
Matt Weinberg Z'17
Nickname: Stinky Feet, Matty Ice
A brand new Zumbye,
Matt is missing a few screws.
That's alright by him.
Matt speaks in haiku.
He likes third person as well.
It makes singing hard.
Still, ducks use Matt's voice
As a people mating call
When they go hunting.
His sweet bari notes
Melt hearts and tame animals,
He comes from Indy.
A farming community.
Or world class city?
We may never know.
Few do more than fly over.
His majestic state.
The land of soy beans and corn?
So damn majestic.
Just like Matt.
In a galaxy, far, far away, there was a child - born from the ashes of war and brought up by Master Yoda in the ways of the force. Master Yoda, realizing that the force was a little too strong with this one, sent him to Earth in an attempt to make him less awesome. Guess it didn’t work. Although his real name is a secret known only by the Jedi Masters, he is referred to by the earthlings as Brian Royes.
Brian grew up in the warm country of Jamaica, and despite his deceptive permanent sun tan, is also a conglomerate hybrid of Chinese, English, Scottish, Irish, and a couple of others that I can’t bother to look up. In an attempt to disguise his mind-blowing powers in the Force, Brian turned to singing at the age of 10, channeling his awesomeness to produce smooth, soul melting melodies, which turns water into streams of liquid gold. That’s actually never happened before. But you get the idea.
When he’s not using his enchanting tenor voice to reach into the hearts of the ladies, he can usually be found watching YouTube videos, doing something at the beach, or devouring French-fries. He really loves his french fries.
In the future, he hopes to return to his home world to help Master Yoda end the war against the Sith, but first must complete his training with the Amherst College Zumbyes.
Samuel Korntner Z'17
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Nickname: Harry Potter, Kornflake, Mr. SYG
There are only a few people that know of Samuel’s real past. Samuel is the unknown son of an affair between Harry Potter and Cho Chang. He was born in Munich, Germany, but being much more inclined to darker sides of magic, he travelled the world to learn more about the secrets of the underworld. Somehow he ended up in Montreal, Canada, and then in Fort Lauderdale, Florida before coming to Amherst. After Samuel finally came to the unfortunate realization that he did not have the same gifts of wizardry as either of his parents, he decided to sing instead. Now he channels his magic abilities into singing, hoping to serenade girls.
Markus Prostko Z'18
The illegitimate lovechild of renowned R&B artist D’Angelo and NBA star Michael Jordan, Markus Alfonso Prostko was raised by wolves on the mean streets of Boulder, Colorado. It was during this time that he learned many of the values and ideals he carries with him to this day, namely the power of friendship and an uncanny ability to chase sick deer through the forest. By the age of 5 he had established alpha male status in the pack, having forced out leader Razor Fang in a bloody fight for dominance. When age 6 rolled around the time had come for him to leave his furry friends and enter the world of public education, where he remained for the next eleven years. There he spent this time chilling out max, relaxing all cool, and shooting some b-ball outside of school where he famously completed a free-throw line dunk which was described by many as “pretty cool, man.”
Markus is an Animal Psychology major with a minor in Sports Management. His interests include spice gardens, long walks on the beach, and jumping in leaf piles. He also owns a small island in the South Pacific Ocean where he can often be found entertaining his many lady friends.
Jacob Colman Z'18
Nickname: J.R.R. Colmien, J-Cub
The distant future. The year 1996. A young boy materializes in the barren plains of Wyoming, wearing nothing but a Winnie the Pooh costume and a piercing stare. His name is Jacob Colman. Those who first encounter the child are awed by his aura of beauty and power, and are utterly shocked to hear a deep and thunderous voice emanating from such a tiny body. People are drawn to him, and he comes to the realization that he can woo and subdue any mortal human using only his mouth.
In the more distanter future, Jacob will use this power to charm everyone he meets and occasionally convince others to do his bidding. He will eventually become President of the United States and oversee the culmination of the Colman Nation. But while he is still pretending to be a mortal college student, his pursuits will focus on creative writing, comedic performances, and obsessing over Lord of the Rings.
Nickname: Rubi, Rordan Jubenstein, Boobenstein
Jordan was born in New York City to parents Jeff Buckley and Paul Rodgers of Bad Company. Growing up, Jordan never sang. Instead, he spent most of his childhood picking flowers and comparing clouds. At the tender age of 18, while traveling to his private island, his private jet was struck down by a private solar flare and he eventually washed ashore on a rock inhabited by ruthless cannibalistic natives. After earning their trust and respect he was elected their leader and given the gift of song. A week later he climbed aboard a raft made entirely of duck tape and set sail for Amherst, Massachusetts. After sidetracked at Smith College, he was picked up and brought back to the Z Cave by baritone Matt Weinberg.
Oddly enough, Jordan has never seen the color orange, but he is really, really looking forward to it. His favorite food is birds, and he is always down for a good time. When Jordan isn’t singing with the Zumbyes he can usually be found building replica planes with Legos and trying to figure out how lightbulbs work.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Nickname: Zeke, Baby
In 1996, Wes was born in Rio de Janeiro, the Brazilian city of great summers, wild carnivals, and Bossa Nova. Because of that, he will likely not make it through New England’s harsh and unforgiving winter; his people start to freeze at 55°F. It is unclear how Wesley ended up in Amherst, Massachusetts, but current consensus in the scientific community suggests that he was “going with the flow”.
It was by going with the flow that he ended up in Italy in 2013. It was in the boot-shaped country that Wesley first fell head over heels for jazz. To his roommates’ dismay, has been singing ever since, and he looks forward to singing jazz with the Zumbyes, the most dangerous a cappella group on the planet.
Son of Shakira and Enrique Iglesias, Andres has never been a stranger to shakin’ what his momma gave him. Contrary to popular belief his mom, Shakira, actually wrote the song “Hips Don’t Lie” about him. Not only do his hips not lie, Andres is also a truth-seeker. His hips usually lead him into fantastic discoveries of truth and validity. In one particularly astounding case, he discovered that, after many long years of research and study, clouds are actually made from cotton candy, not water vapor. This “water vapor condensation” myth was created by Willy Wonka to hide the fact that they were testing out new cotton candy recipes. Classic Willy.
Aside from salsa dancing in Jenkins at 2am and his investigative service, his hobbies include: competitive scooter racing, Troy Bolton fan-girling, and sometimes playing soccer. His singing career, much like Troy’s, started in his shower. While young Andres lathered his luscious locks (points for alliteration), he started to sing his favorite song: Circle of Life. He heard loud noises once he reached the end of the song and when he got out of the shower all the animals of the New England Kingdom had come to his home and were awaiting his action. With the animal kingdom’s backing his singing career took off and has led him all the way to this wonderful group.
*Plays Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Them Song instrumental version*
Now this is a story all about how
Cesar’s life got flipped-turned upside down
And he’d like to take a minute
And spit a verse
Tell you how he became a Numbye in a place called Amherst
West of Philadelphia born and raised
Listening to Soul and the singers he praised
All the while, learned their style, so fly and so cool
and began singing some Bee-Bop outside of the school
One day he heard a weird sound, round the corner, not good
It was a horde of zombies tromping in his neighborhood
Had to take a minute to get all calm and collected Heard the TV say, “the whole town ain't slick, every one is sick and infected”
He was't nervous, no fear from his eyes
Climbed to the top of. A building with his powerful thighs
Everyone was swarming , screaming, seeming all too obscure
But Cesar knew that only beautiful riffs were the cure
Stood atop his facets, looked upon all the masses
Knew there was fire to spit, too bright, so he put on sun glasses
Zombie horde looking, he sang so all could hear
Lyrics strike like lightning, infections start to disappear
Few months later, got auditions at 7 or 8
No zombie hordes in sight or battle of fate
He is ready to sing, dance, and slay
Next to the Zumbyes, spitting hot fire day by day.
The name is Greg Franklin, and that's no lie,
He's pumped to leave Chicago and say bye bye
The city is where he wants to live, but first
He'll try the rural life out here in Amherst
He loves to sing songs, as you can tell,
But other things strike his fancy as well.
Like riding his bike all across town
Or golfing or football or just sitting down
He also loves comp sci, havnt you heard?
It's cool though. Please don't call him a nerd.
If he could work for Google, his dreams will be met
He can also solve a rubik's cube without breaking a sweat.
Favorite movie? Interstellar, I think I might add,
He also loves the tv show that's called breaking bad
He's stoked to be a zumbye, and sing all day long
Fun fact, Sunday candy is his favorite song.
Well that's him wrapped up, time for the last line
...but sadly, I cannot think of a rhyme.
Tommy Mobley Z'20
Tommy grew up down by the banks of the river Charles, in Newton, MA. Although he was the son of a preacher man, he had a hard time making young ladies feel the same way that Dusty Springfield did. Instead, Tommy spent his days playing basketball and listening to the discographies of Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, and The Temptations. Legend has it that one day in Sophomore math class, a girl asked Tommy out on a date, but he said that he could not go out with her because “basketball is my true love.”
Here at Amherst, Tommy is still the same guy that he has always been. You can usually find him getting shots up in the gym, studying chemistry in his room, and singing sweet soul music with the Zumbyes. Where you will not find Tommy is anywhere that there are women, because quite frankly, his game with the ladies is slacking. Because of that, Tommy made his agenda quite clear quickly after he was accepted into the Zumbyes: “I need help with the ladies!” he said. Hopefully as he learns about tri-tones, harmonic blend, and choreography, the veteran Zumbyes can also teach him a thing or two about how to talk to women.
John Ballard Z'20
John Stewart Ballard was born in Kansas City, MO. He then moved to Houston, TX, then to Sumter, SC where he spent the majority of his days, then back to Houston for his senior year of high school. It is a testament to his own individualism that he made it out of the dark destitute hole that is the state of South Carolina with any sense of morality. Despite this, he comes from a very diverse background being raised by an opera singer/choral director and a college football player. It is from this upbringing that John began to hone his crafts, and today, he is fortunate enough to carry on his parents’ legacy while playing football and being a part of the most talented a capella group in all the land, otherwise known as the Zumbyes.
Although he has followed in his parents’ footsteps, he actually made the great trek up to Amherst College to find himself, as some believe him to be the illegitimate child of comedian, Jon Stewart, who lives nearby in NJ. It is said that John’s parents may have added “h” in John to hide his true identity. With the wisdom and guidance of well-trained Oldbyes, John hopes to discover his true father in his time here, so he can finally be at peace.